Many people only decide to go to counselling when they feel they can’t cope with life as it is.  In a similar way that many people wait until they have a heart attack or stroke, before enlisting healthier lifestyle habits.

Society is slowly coming to grips, that tackling lifestyle changes before a major problem occurs can be tedious and challenging, but a much lesser challenge when a storm breaks.

Like a heart attack waiting to happen, stresses and challenges can be alleviated before they hit crisis point.   However I rarely see a client who hasn’t reached some kind of crisis, or hit a wall in some way.

A key reason why many people need counselling is they have some unhelpful/unhealthy habits that maintain a cycle of disharmony.  It’s not rocket science, but some basic questions you can ask yourself are

• Am I getting enough sleep?
• Is my work/life balance healthy?
• Do I get a reasonable amount of exercise?
• What kind of friends/relationships do I have?
• Do I enjoy life in general?
• Are the needs of everyone else put before mine?

If your answer to 2 or more of these questions is no or negative, then you may be heading towards a crisis.  This may happen in a day, a month or a year, but continue down an unhealthy path and life catches up.

So, don’t despair!  Help is at hand.

There’s always small changes you can make for yourself, without too much guidance.  Eating healthy, exercise and adapting healthy sleep habits.

For many people, life habits are so entrenched, they find it hard to know where to start.  If this is the case then enlist the help of professional, who can support you to bring small changes to your life step by step.  Within 3-6 months you may find your life is unrecognisable.

So if this is for you ..

www.mindmassage.com.au/contact.html

Ever wondered why some many of us

• Get colds just as we take a holiday?
• Get a headache when we are stressed?
• Suffer with tummy ache when nervous [butterflies]?
• Have recurrent health problems?

Couples getting married are said to get cold feet before tying the knot, but have you ever wondered how that saying came about? Nowadays it’s common knowledge, that when we feel threatened or nervous, adrenalin makes our blood flow to our vital organs. Hence, we have less blood supply to the extremities (feet/hands).

Society today, operates at a much faster pace than years ago. Chances are most of us are missing the early clues of emotional distress/unease, as we busily getting on with our lives.

So how can you help yourself?

• Start listening to your body – what part of your body isn’t doing so well 
• Track your symptoms and note what’s happening in your life
• Get checked out to eliminate/treat medical issues (and note if they are recurrent)

 What can I do if I notice bad health patterns/habits?

 * Adapt healthier living habits (drink plenty of water, eat nutritious food, exercise doing something you enjoy, get plenty of rest/sleep, reduce caffeine and alcohol/drug intake)

* Put time aside in your day (preferably) or week to relax/unwind – acknowledge the good aspects of your life and those you wish to change

* Try some natural therapies – they can help manage stress and alleviate early signs/symptoms of illness

* Enjoy the little things in life – walk in bushland/at the beach, call a friend, have a picnic.

* Treat yourself – take a break, get a regular massage

Done all this and still not happy with your health?

Your emotional wellbeing is an integral part of staying healthy. Cold feet are one example of how our physical body shows our mind is going through stress or challenging times. Sometimes we need a little guidance to help us to understand what this means and how we can help our body cope.

This may mean taking time out to focus on our emotional wellbeing. Whether it’s a chat with a good friend or a professional counsellor, a little can go a long way.

Prefer to talk to someone is confidence?

www.mindmassage.com.au/contact.html

The Terrible Two’s

How many times have you heard the expression ‘Terrible Two’s’, when referring to the predicted onslaught of any child’s behaviour as they approach the age of two. As a parent and counsellor, I like to reframe the negative stereo-typing, that’s so easy to buy into.

A two-year old’s main aim in life is to assert independence and autonomy. However in doing so, this might include trying out ‘grown up’ tasks, much to the dismay of a tired, sleep-deprived, busy and grizzling parent.

With today’s pace of life in 5th gear, there’s often little chance to put the brakes on and take a look at what Master or Miss Two really needs in a given moment. Their normal enthusiasm to mimic an adult (or older child) task can be met with negative reactions. Confusion about ‘what did s/he do wrong?’ then sets in.

When it’s necessary to refuse a child an activity, an explanation of ‘it’s too hot’, ‘we’ve not got time today’ or ‘you’ve had 2 chocolates already today’ etc, is often more satisfactory to the ambitious little person, as opposed to a standard ‘no’. Children’s verbal skills lag considerably behind their language comprehension, so never be afraid to use explanations.

If you have an older child who’s diligently crafting something to perfection, offer your toddler an age appropriate version where possible.

If you have a precious day with some down time, try to include your child. Invite him/her to take part in whatever seemingly mindless, boring task you might be doing next. This ranges from washing dishes (child can do all the plastic stuff), putting garbage in the bin, handing pegs out for the washing regimes or perhaps something delightfully messy like baking.   Children love to help, so if you’re cooking and worried about a hot stove, give your little one a bowl with dry pasta and a spoon!  It’s noisy and they will get a sense of accomplishment from ‘helping’.

Involvement and inclusion are the name of the game. I promise you, the results will be rewarding – even if the task took twice as long.

Tag Team

If you’re a household where there are 2 caretakers, play tag-team.  Whether it’s one night on, one off, or half the night on/half off – at least you get some period(s) of reasonable sleep.  When it’s your turn to sleep, use ear plugs to muffle sound.  That way, one person may be reasonably refreshed in the morning. 

Parenting alone

Whether you’re a single parent or your partner is away with work a lot, you have double the load and could be more vulnerable to exhaustion.  Make sleeping your priority.  If your baby sleeps, you sleep.  I know there is 100 reasons why you think that your sleep comes second.  However if you deprive your body of sleep, it stops functioning.

- Rest up when the baby does.  Even 30 minutes can give an exhausted body/mind a small boost. 

- Call a friend/family member to sit with your baby for a few hours while you grab some sleep (understanding people will listen to your needs)

- Ask a friend/family member to help with chores.  If you have a wide-circle of friends, rotate the requests so they can share the helping.  If you’re too tired, ask a dear friend to do up a roster.

- Eat well!!  Tried to drive a car without petrol?  Doesn’t function.  Neither does your body.  If you are sleep-deprived it increasese the need for good nutritious foods, especially those that support the nervous system.  (Ask a naturopath if you need guidance).  Ask a friend to cook you dinner if you’re exhausted.

- Lots of natural therapies can ease stress/strain – massage, yoga, meditation, homeopathy.

- Exercise – I know it’s the last thing you want to do.  Your baby may sleep in the pram, offering you some quiet head space.  Grab your Ipod – well chosen music lifts moods!

- Financial well-off but friend poor.  Hire a nanny for a few hours/days, to help you get some rest.  Have a healthy meal out.  Getting out the door can energise your spirits.

- Join a mothers group – do mum/bub yoga.  It can help to know you’re not alone.  Normalising challenging times can ease addition strain that some mum’s feel.

Need help finding resources, check out

www.bubhub.com.au

Feel like you’ve lost your way a little, get a little support, check out

www.mindmassage.com.au/contact.html

How many parents have been haunted by these words? Their whole experience has been summed up by the end result (a healthy child) without acknowledgement of a traumatic journey and process.

Sinead Mitchell (nee McGurrell)
BSSc
Counsellor

Experiencing trauma during the pregnancy or birth of your child, throws expectations into disarray and instead replaces them with challenging memories and an unfamiliar path that was never envisaged.

Pregnancy and Birth Trauma – what qualifies

It’s dangerous to oversimplify the meaning of trauma when it comes to bringing a child into the world. The aim of this article is assist women and their partners to overcome the aftermath of a challenging and traumatic pregnancy or birthing experience.

With any emotional status there is a continuum from mild to severe. From a professional perspective each and every level is significant and worthy of being addressed with appropriate support.

If low-level trauma is a person’s worst experience ever, then that is their benchmark. This trauma can feel as overwhelming for them as more serious trauma feels for another.

As most traumas are dealt with in medical settings it is often left to doctors and predominantly nurses to support the emotions of the parents. Occasionally parents are offered some support from social services. Generally it falls to the individual to realise they are not coping and to actively seek support.

It is worth noting that for some women, they take these unexpected changes without much impact psychologically, but for most the struggle is significant.

Definition of trauma
trauma – a deeply disturbing experience; emotional shock following a profound physical injury or stressful event
(http://www.harmoniacenter.com/glossary.php)
Wherever you look you will find varying descriptions and types of trauma, – the above sums up the emotional and psychological aspect very succinctly.

Pregnancy

Women and men often put a lot of thought and effort into planning to start or extend their family. There is a very clear and decided expectation of the joys that pregnancy will bring.

Despite much of it being expected, nausea and vomiting can literally halt some expectant mums in their tracks, some having to put life on hold for the early months. Occasionally some may struggle right throughout their pregnancy.

Significant medical conditions can require hospitalisation for some. Other conditions such as placenta previa (when the placenta is sitting over the cervix) mean there is no choice regarding birthing options – i.e. a caesarian section is required for the safety of mum and child. For women who may have planned a vaginal delivery or homebirth the required medical intervention detracts from their rites of passage to labour with their child. There are many varied and complex situations that require close monitoring and these pregnancies are now more like a medical condition than a natural process.

A key trauma of pregnancy is when the pregnancy is cut short severely and results in a premature delivery. There is the loss of that time with your baby in utero and blossoming in the latter months of gestation. On top of that is the very serious nature of having a child preterm.

Preterm delivery

Having a preterm (born before 37 weeks) baby adds another usually unexpected chapter to the process of bringing your child into the outside world. Occasionally some parents will know in advance that an early delivery may become necessary. That may heighten the trauma, knowing that your child’s life may be in serious danger. Sometimes babies are born that early that the parents haven’t yet informed their family and friends of the pregnancy – so there’s a mixture of joyous and tragic news delivered at the same time.

Depending on gestation at birth a myriad of scenarios can transpire for the baby and parents, including weeks or months in hospital before the baby can finally go home. What that means is mum and dad go home without a babe in arms, the car seat is empty and the nursery is full but missing the key ingredient – a child. And while a child may be alive and relatively well in hospital, it’s another unexpected hurdle in what most people anticipate will be a treasured and joyous time.

Bear in mind that many of these angels born so early are tiny enough to fit snugly in the parent’s hand. Wedding rings often fits on the baby’s upper arm. Quite unimaginable but often a memorable keepsake photo for those who’ve soldiered through that journey.

Emergency during term delivery

The most tangible traumas are the ones where emergency medical intervention is required. Emergency caesarian section, postpartum hemorrhage or newborn needing help to breathe are but a few. Even naming emergency caesarian can be triaged into needs to happen soon, as with many woman in labour, or the scenario where it’s all hands on deck, doctors and nurses literally running to theatre and stripping mum clothes off en route.

No time is available to process what is actually happening, let alone coming to terms with the nature of delivery.

Process of delivery

For a large amount of women their birthing experience falls short of their expectations. Depending on the degree of difference from those expectations, those disappointments can have serious consequences. While hearing an account of a particular birth may not sound traumatic, a woman’s experience can be vastly different. The degree of trauma can vary too. It’s important to acknowledge any part of the experience that felt traumatic.

Dr Sarah Buckley discusses the need for birthing women to have privacy, feel safe and have people around who are familiar to them. For the most part women today rarely have access to these fundamental requirements for an undisturbed birth. Unfortunately many women enter the labouring moments unaware of what’s missing and usually unable to obtain the desired outcome even if they are aware.

The medical nature of the birthing process often interrupts how nature intended birth to be. As Dr Buckley puts it so beautifully, how would other mammals cope with birthing under bright lights, in a foreign environment with strangers in tow. With lack of continuity of care in most labour settings, this immediately sets a woman at a disadvantage when it comes to have the best labour possible.

Due to a myriad of these factors, some women struggle with these consequences which may include having an assisted birth (e.g. vacuum) or a medical intervention such as a caesarian section. Some women who plan to have a home birth and end up in hospital struggle with the huge disappointment of not achieving the desired birthing experience.

When term babies need help

For most struggling babies some suction and support to start breathing alone is sufficient, however others end up in neonatal intensive care units (ICU). These stays can be short-lived while others require transition via special care units prior to discharge.

The loss of holding and feeding a baby immediately after birth is excruciating for many women and men. On top of this trauma, is the obvious concern for the baby’s well-being.

Symptoms & Syndromes
Responses to extreme trauma may include but is not limited to
‘intense fear, helplessness, or horror’
‘reexperiencing of the traumatic event’
‘avoidance of stimuli associate with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness’
‘increased arousal’
(DSM-IV, p424)

PTSD

In severe cases if all of the above symptoms are present along with other key criteria, a person may be suffering from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Immediate referral to a professional is required should any or all of the above be present.

PNDS

Postnatal Depressive Syndrome again houses a range of symptoms which might indicate someone is not coping with life. These may not transpire directly from a traumatic experience but often go hand in hand.

Depressive symptoms can include

• moodiness that is out of character
• increased irritability and frustration
• finding it hard to take minor personal criticisms
• spending less time with friends and family
• loss of interest in food, sex, exercise or other pleasurable activities
• being awake throughout the night
• increased alcohol and drug use
• staying home from work …
• increased physical health complaints like fatigue or pain
• being reckless or taking unnecessary risks (e.g. driving fast or dangerously)
• slowing down of thoughts and actions.

(http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=89.579)

Bonding with the newborn and wanting to engage may be very challenging too during depressive times.

Given that some things such as waking at night, being fatigued and spending less time with friends and family may occur naturally due to the demands of parenting, these symptoms often mask themselves well in the disruptive time of having a newborn in a household.

A simple rule to assess is, if things don’t feel okay then they probably need addressing.

An important factor to remember all these struggles and symptoms can occur for both the mother and the father and often simultaneously. The onset of all or any symptoms can be gradual and may not start for several years after your experience.

The Healing Process
Self-help stepping stones and options to support Mum and Dad

• a) Accept things aren’t going ok for you and/or your partner and be kind to each other in the process
  b) Talk to your partner/supportive friend or family member (be clear that you know you’re baby is healthy – that it’s you that needs help to recover)
  c) Release your emotions – journal writing, crying, talking.
  d) Seek support from a suitable health practitioner (naturopath, homeopath, osteopath, masseur, GP)
  e) Seek out support groups and/or counselling as an individual or as a couple. (see resources below)
  f) Tell your friends you’re struggling and don’t carry the burden alone.
  g) Seek your medical records from your birth place if you need to find out more information and ask questions if you need them answered.
  h) Once the healing process begins, allow a reasonable timeframe (months) to see a noticeable change [seek professional support if no change occurs].
  i) If you know someone who fits this description – reach out and offer support.
  A natural starting point for many people is their GP. Some GPs have wonderful skills and use a range of resources. However many clients are offered anti-depressant medication at the initial consultation without other supports being offered or tried. These may be required, but for a variety of reasons (including breastfeeding and side effects) it may not be an option for many individuals. Be aware that there are a range of other options available to try if you are reluctant to use medication as a first option.

Self-help stepping stones and options for baby.

Babies who have experienced trauma often need time and support to heal. Dr. Aletha Solter a Swiss/American psychologist has pioneered a new way of assisting babies to heal through allowing them to cry whilst be held.

Other emotional and physical support may come through homeopathy whilst cranial osteopathic therapy (osteopathy) can be vital for realigning a baby’s body after the tight journey into the world.

As the baby becomes more content and parents begin to heal too, it offers more opportunity for a harmonious and content household.

Summary

Birthing a child is a precious and unique experience each time around. In most cases mum and baby physically recover within a relatively short timeframe and to the outside world any perceived trauma is well disguised. The psychological and emotional toll can extend far and beyond the birthing process. Acknowledgement, openness and support can lead those struggling into a clearer, happy world to engage fully in their new role.

Resources

Books

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering – The wisdom and science of gentle choices in pregnancy, birth and parenting, by Dr Sarah Buckley.

The Aware Baby, by Dr Aletha Solter

Websites

www.awareparenting.com.au – Author Dr Aletha J Solter – information on various resources.

www.birthrightnetwork.com – Brisbane based practitioners of various disciplines

www.birthtalk.org.au – Information and support – Brisbane based support group

www.bubhub.com.au – National resources for various forms of support

www.beyondblue.com.au – Information on depression

www.pipa.org.au – Information and support on preterm babies

www.sarahjbuckley.com – Information, articles and practical advice in pregnancy, labour and parenting.
References

American Psychiatric Association (1994) 4th Ed, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). Washington, DC.

www.awareparenting.com.au – Dr Aletha Solter’s website

Buckley, S (2005) Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering, One Moon Press: Brisbane.

http://www.harmoniacenter.com/glossary.php
Author Blurb

Sinead Mitchell works in private practice in Spring Hill, 5 minutes from Brisbane CBD.  She has a keen interest in supporting families to recover from pregnancy and birth trauma and adjust to parenting in a cohesive and harmonious way.  Find her at

www.mindmassage.com.au/contact.html