Relationships are somewhat less ‘mechanical’ than a car, though sometimes it may seem that all you ever do is ‘go through the motions’. In order to keep a car on the road, it needs regular feeding (petrol) to go, occasional washing (to look presentable) and occasional some good servicing (to keep it ticking over and working well).
Run through this quick checklist to see how you fare
When’s the last time you
Checked in with your partner to actually talk about your relationship
Apologised when you said or did something inappropriate
Forgave your partner
Forgave yourself
Told your partner what you appreciate about him/her
Did something meaningful for your partner – for no other reason that you want to
Maintenance in a relationship is absolutely vital. There are few if any relationships that can survive without conscious effort on a regular basis. There will be times when extra effort may be required to keep everything running smoothly.
As a counsellor, I regularly witness situations where one or both parties of a couple become complacent within a relationship. Often one of the parties is disgruntled by this complacency but says little or what they do say has little impact. Over time, lack of ‘maintenance’ wears the disgruntled party down and makes them question whether or not they wish to remain in the relationship. When the ‘less-motivated’ partner hears this, the panic button is hit and she/he is often willing to walk to the ends of the earth to make the relationship work.
My point? Why wait until a relationship is a crisis point before you work on it. While it may not be helpful or healthy to inform your partner of every annoying aspect, not talking about any of it could prove detrimental.
So revisit the checklist above – put it somewhere that you’ll see it regularly. Put relationship maintenance in your diary – so you have no excuse that you keep forgetting.
Date nights – you can have these even if you’ve lived with someone forever
An unexpected gift – at an unexpected time
Do your partner’s least favourite chore for a week
If you are parents of young children
Arrange a child minder for a few hours, a day or a w/end
Send your partner off for an afternoon of ‘me time’
Reminisce about the ‘child-less’ times
It really doesn’t matter what you do, as long you both put effort into the relationship, in a way that allows the relationship to flourish!
Start today!